Sunday, August 26

Hello again

Well, hello old friend. It has been a long time.

 I have had so much to say but very few words to truly articulate what has been in my heart and on my mind. I really believed two years ago when my daughter was finally diagnosed with SPD  (Sensory Processing Disorder) that I would  journal our journey. But honestly, it was more than I could do. I was trying to navigate her twice a week Occupational Therapy and Vision Therapy. Also caring for my young son who also has some of the same sensory issues. He has recently began OT and Physical Therapy to correct some hip and balance issues. Next add a husband whose job now requires full time travel during the week, well, anyway... you get it. I have been busy these few years. I'm not complaining, just telling it like it is. There were days I just couldn't talk about it anymore or think about it. But we are moving forward. 
Kathryn has finished OT, for now.  She begins 3rd grade in a few days.  It feels like such and victory many days and others the SPD is still very evident. But now she calls it her "Super Sensory Powers"  she will tell you how she can actually feel the Earth rotating on its axis. I love that! She has grown so much, not just physically, but in an understanding of her self that I did not know would be possible.

 And for me, well after the birth of my son two years ago I began having all sorts of strange medical problems.  Too many to list but a full hysterectomy occurred last fall and three months ago I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia.  That was a shocker to me.  But a HUGE relief to finally have a diagnosis and a plan of action.  New meds and a fabulous Dr. are helping to control my worst symptoms. Hallelujah! Then my dear sister had a Carcinoma removed on her face right next to her eye around the same time.  It was scary but God is Good!  You can hardly see the scar now.  But our biggest concern now is my brother.  He has been diagnosed with prostate cancer.  He is only 45.  It is aggressive and we are scared.  I'm not going to lie.  I am worried. I love him so... it is still hard to believe.

So you see there is SO much going on right now. But,  I am no different than anyone.  We ALL have our "stuff."  We ALL handle it differently.  I am at a point in my life where I feel that I see things so differently than I did years ago.  Is it maturity? I suppose. Maybe this maturity comes from living life and learning perspective, setting priorities, loveing people who are hurting and stuggling to find their place in this world. Realizing what is truly important.  It is hard to do. For me so much of is comes from an understanding that my child's well being and that of our family has forced decisions that years ago would have felt so wrong but in the midst of the storm bring complete peace now.

Trusting in God, it is the key for me.  Putting my faith in something other than my meager self; the Creator of it all.  I am thankful for the calm and guidance I have received from my Heavenly Father.  I feel so blessed and grateful for all that I have yet I understand fully that He has allowed illness and circumstances to challenge and help me grow stronger.  I said it to my brother recently after he had just been diagnosed, "It is not trivial to say that God will not give you more than you can handle.  You can do this.  He has been preparing you for this your entire life." 

Later that evening I thought, that is true for me as well.  If I continue to trust God and lay my burdens at His feet He will give the grace and strength to face each day.  Some days are harder than others but He always brings peace.  This is a good day.  Some days are bad, really bad.  But at my core I am thankful for my faith that brings a peace of mind and a hope for tomorrow.