Wednesday, February 20

green eyed monster...

Jealousy. Is that what you thought I would say? Well... it raises it's ugly head in all kinds of places doesn't it. Things to be jealous about, lets list them shall we?
  1. Sally's house
  2. Sally's husband (he's so attentive and loving)
  3. Sally's kids (they obey every word)
  4. Time....
  5. Sally sings so much better than me
  6. She doesn't sing better than me... why does she get all the solos?
  7. I'm the one that did ALL that work... why is she getting all the praise?
  8. I'm a better cook... don't ya know...
  9. Lord, who is your favorite?
  10. Where will my mansion be in Heaven... how big will it be.... I'm the best Christian I know...

Hmmm... does any of that sound familiar.... it does to me. I was reading last night and working on a Bible Study and low and behold... jealosy was the topic. Now, Lord, why do you think I need to hear that? I can tell you why... I've been watching it rear it's ugly head recently and I don't like it. That green monster hides and then BLAM jumps right out from behind the couch (I guess it was there hiding with all the dust and lost toys).

You see, I sing in a group of 5 ladies... do I really need to say more? Well... we love eachother dearly and have sang together for 3 years, doing some really cool stuff and praised by many for what we have done. Now... are you seeing where I'm going? I have said it over and over again... if we only sing in a room with the door closed and God gets to listen... I'm great with that, it is all about Worship and Praising Him. I think we all feel that way, most of the time. BUT recently we were told that there would be auditions for a musical our choir will be doing... I'm excited to sing these incredible songs originally sung by the Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir. It will be awesome, I'd love to sing a solo because there are a few songs about worship that hit at my core...but I truly believe that our guy in charge knows who will be best and if I stand in the back and only sing with the choir... cool. One less thing to worry about. Also... I completely love to sing in our Praise Team at church... I find it so rewarding and an opportunity to do what God has put me here to do. But as we began talking about auditioning, I could sense a competitivness that doesn't usually show up. Then one girl said, "Becky, what song are you going to sing because I don't want to waste my time learning a song if you are going to do it too... I know you'll get it over me. Oh and by the way... the song I want to sing is...". I could hardly believe what I heard. Now you must know, Becky sings a song like God had it written just for her. She has a talent that is incredible I could listen to her sing all day. What a burden to ask that of her. Now she is worried about hurting someones feelings... and then another person in choir did the same thing on Sunday to her. My heart hurts for her because jealousy by others has caused her to worry and be anxious.

I think about Peter when he asks Jesus, "what about John, what will happen to him?" and what did Jesus say? He said, "don't worry about my plans for him.

So I say... when all those mean, green jealosy feelings start to rise... don't forget that it always affects someone else, because we can not deal lovingly and be joyful for others when we secretly wish for what they have.


nursegirl1994 said...

preach it sister. I love Becky, and would listen to her sing all day long (that is if you , my beloved twin sister, we not already singing!!). I hate to think that she is feeling this way due to other's words. That is selfish of them and I am glad you pointed this out. I mean really, how often to we really think of the other person's feelings. Isn't it all about "me"! I will remember the next time the green monster creeps up on me.

Liz said...

my, my, my... People have no idea how their words affect others, do they? She shouldn't have to be dealing with this. It's meant as a compliment in a backhanded sort of way, I guess, but it's stressful on her. And on you and all the other singers who enjoy singing, too. For me, I haven't really sung since I was pregnant with Nate (about 2 years). I did once, here in Alabama, before I got pregnant with Josh, but I can't anymore because pregnancy doesn't agree with me. So I miss it a lot, but with that, I miss the competition and jealousy. (Though I think I'm losing my chops from lack of use).

I just learned long ago that I am average among musicians (even if that means "good" among the lay folk), and there are particular songs that are suited to my voice, and particular songs that are suited to others' voices. For example, I will never sing black gospel well. That helps with the jealousy thing, but doesn't stamp it out completely. =) Love ya, sis. And I love hearing you sing, too, truly. =)